Feeling in and out of things for the past few years, it has been difficult to retain any kind of real focus on what I want out of my life. For a time, I was out more than in, so living from one thrill to another was an acceptable way to be for me. Anything to keep my mind away from overwhelming thoughts of failure. Anything to abet the anger. Anything to get myself to get out of bed.
While I'm far from where I want to be, lately I think that I have been in more than out. And to me, this seems a signal to go ahead and start asking myself again, "what do I want?".
I'm 30 years old. I'm divorced. I don't have a career. I'm tired, and I'm tired of being tired. So without any further ado, here's what I want.
-I want my kids to be with me.
-I want to be a good father.
-I want my kids to grow up well.
-I want a real job, neigh, I want a great career.
-I want my current relationship to work, long-term, the way I know a relationship can work.
-I want to see my friends... more than just on Facebook.
-I want to be set loose on projects that matter, because I'm capable. Extremely so.
-I want confidence.
-I want my past to die.
-I want my own business, and I want it to be creative.
-I want to write music, and I want to do it in a community of like-minded musicians.
-I want to control my own destiny (no offense to the amazing people who support me).
-I want to make an amazing pizza.
-I want travel in my life.
-I want to be downtown in Columbus more.
-I want to realize that achieving these things does not necessarily hold the key to my happiness.
-I want me back.
-And I want my musical tattoo.
Welcome friends. I need you.
