Foxx Tone Machine

Playing guitar and buying equipment are two pastimes in my immediate family history. I was in 3rd or 4th grade at our old house, and remember my dad pulling his pre CBS Jazzmaster out of wherever he had it stored to reveal to us that he played guitar when he was younger. To a young boy cutting his teeth on Nevermind, Use Your Illusion, and the Black Album, he might as well have donned a cape and spandex.

As the next few years went on, and my brother and I began to play and acquire gear for ourselves, while exploring Dad's old junk. Or at least we thought it was junk. The aforementioned Jazzmaster, a 60s Blackface Deluxe Reverb, and a Foxx Tone Machine fuzz pedal, total value on today's market pushing $10,000; all of which were sold (pause for tears). The Foxx Tone Machine was a nasty fuzz/octave pedal to begin with, and his was in ill repair which made it even worse. At the time, we all laughed at the outdated technology and sound, as we tossed it aside and moved on to more modern distortions and effects. 

He sold the pedal, and a few decades went by without giving much thought about it. A few years back, it crossed my mind and I began to watch videos to see what was what. My ears and mind were blown away by the "thick ocean" of fuzz, which when agitated by the octive* switch (misspelled on the original release), unleashed a raspy lighting god snarl that would make children cry. I had to have one. A quick eBay search revealed that original Tone Machines went for $400 - $700, and inferior reissues for around $300. A more in depth hunt showed me that the owner of Danelectro was actually the designer of the original Tone Machine, and had released a cheap replica of the circuit, called a French Toast, to the tune of $40. Click. Buy it now. Shipped. Fuzz heaven. 

I played it in spurts, the sound was nearly identical, but the quality of the pedal housing was crap. A month ago I decided to pull the guts from the Dano and research parts/theory to rewire it with good components in a metal housing. When all the parts had made their way to my house, I set up shop at my desk and began the process of desoldering the junk from the effects board and researching how to wire it back up. While much of the theory is still above my pay grade, I got quite the education on electronics during this process. I also grew angry and disappointed often as I encountered speed bumps of all kinds. 

Yes, I know it's ugly...

During the removal of the trim pots and other components, I was also getting initial practice with a soldering iron. Bad time to learn, and I damaged many traces on the board. On day two I wired in a few pots, and by day three I had wired ins/outs, leds, 3pdt switches for both fuzz and octave. Trial run, could it be this easy? Plugged everything in aaaaaaand... nothing. No power, no signal, but my true bypass was wired correctly and I had a clean tone when disengaged :) With no multimeter, I tried to logic my way through the trouble shooting, rewiring to points past traces I had lifted, checking joints, etc. Tried again: nothing. This process continued for a few days until I broke down and purchased a meter. I spent an evening or two poking around checking continuity and voltages. Total $$ invested was well over $150 at this point and it appeared as though I was making no headway. 

Friday evening, after a long drive I escaped to the basement to play with the meter some more, on the verge of throwing the aluminum brick hard into a dumpster. I couldn't figure out why no power was reading through the DC jack. On a whim, I removed the shitty jack from the Danelectro board and wired it to my new build. POWER. Holy cow, the Hallelujah Chorus erupted and I dashed to my amp to test it. It made fuzz sounds. Even better. The switches were not wired properly, but that was a quick fix and I made plans for Saturday to finish the wiring and purchase a new jack. 

Saturday morning I took my eldest to the nearest Radio Shack, purchased a jack, and spent the car ride talking circuits. Got home, wired up the new jack outside the box, POWER. That settled it, with switches wired properly, I mounted the jack to the box and made a final test; it didn't work. Christ. To the internet, and I should have realized, metal jack, metal housing, I was sending all my volts directly to ground. The following day I insulated the jack with some rubber O-rings and electrical tape, spent some time sorting out the wiring of the pots, and at long last, everything functioned without major issue. Phew.

That afternoon I removed the guts, and made a first attempt at flocking the housing with my middle son. It was a messy rush job, I was trying to fit too much into our weekend. Luckily, most folks online suggest a second coat. It didn't end up perfect, but the second coat left it pretty well covered and thick. Most importantly, it was fuzzy.

As the final coat dried, I took to Gimp (freeware photo editor) to rework a Foxx label to match my rearranged pedal. I added an octave switch, and realigned the titles to match my pots/inputs layout. I printed it on an ID card maker, the label is plastic, but gets the idea across. I had to reduce the size significantly to make it fit between my components. That's what I get for not planning ahead, but oh well.

Last but not least, I bolted the guts back into the flocked housing, tested it to be sure it was working, and once I was assured she was sound, hot glued the logo to the pedal. So, many weeks of money, research, work, and headaches later, I had my take on a Foxx Tone Machine. My version has LEDs, true bypass, 100k pots, and a footswitch for the Octive control. Satisfied with my work, I got reacquainted with the pedal in its new skin. It is a rich and thick tone, which gets beautifully nasty with the Octive engaged. It begged for some Hendrix, Nirvana, and a staple in our household, the riff to Blue Oyster Cult's Godzilla. Somehow, looking down while playing and seeing a replica Foxx housing made the sonic experience more satisfying.

This effort boils down to a bit of a tribute to my dad. The Tone Machine is piece 1 of 3 to rebuilding the rig that got my brother and I into guitar in the first place. It's certainly not a perfect build, but the imperfections will be part of the story. I love the sound, feel a bit more connected to my history as I play it, and hell, I'm getting a lot out of it just looking at the damn thing.

3/28/16 Edit. While functioning sound wise, I've discovered it has a nasty habit of burning out power supplies. I am getting some advise from the friendly folks at DIYstompboxes.com  Pictures below are for troubleshooting purposes.

Christmas 2015

Wednesday, December 23

Who likes waking up at 3a for a 4a start to a road trip with a two-month-old? This guy. One of the better decisions I made this holiday season (and between you and I, that is saying something.) Hardly any traffic, just beat rush hour in Indy, and we were in Columbia in time for coffee. Jerry snagged Jules as soon as we got there and they proceeded to nap together several times throughout the afternoon. It was a pretty lazy day, and I appreciated that. Arriving at her Dad's house, Renee put together a gift package of baby supplies which came quite in handy, as we had forgotten to pack a great deal of care items. 

Thursday, December 24

Christmas Eve in Waterloo. It was a cozy and relaxing day. Eliz' Dad kept asking if we were bored, but I think we were both quite content to just sit around and enjoy each other's company. Eliz watched It's a Wonderful Life for somehow the first time in her life. Jimmy Stewart screaming "Merry Christmas" sounds much like a Raptor. Eliz' whole family came over to her Dad's to meet the baby. Her Dad smoked a turkey and it was delicious. Jules, on the other hand, decided not to sleep very much, which kept us up most of the night. C'est la vie. 

Friday, December 25

Christmas in Columbia, IL. I'd been around for one of these before, but this was the first time for an actual December 25th to my recollection. We had biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Well, biscuits, gravy, eggs, OJ, sausage, cookies, the works. It hit the spot. Her family seemed to fly in and fly out, but looking at the clock, 5 hours passed in no time. Seeing Meaghan's backward stocking always gives me a laugh. We flipped it around so it faced the same direction as the rest, but then her name was hidden. It's a win/win situation if you ask me. We made a quick stop at Great Aunt Delores' house before getting back to Chez Dell. An elf fixed the toilet before putting on the family personalized pajamas, and headed to sleep at 6p. Great day, great trip back to Illinois. 

Saturday, December 26

I did a little bit of driving that day. 2a wake up call Central Time to make the trip back to Columbus. Upon arrival I took a nap for an hour or two before loading up some drums and heading north for my now annual Christmas Jam/Sleepover at Ed's house. He had a few friends over and as per usual he got me to drink more than I had planned. We gave Elizabeth a few holiday tunes in the key of Heavy for her Facetime concert. She always gets so excited for those. 

Sunday, December 27

I picked up the boys around 10a, and we swung by Meijer to pick up Christmas breakfast and an angel for Grandma Morrisey. We started off our "Christmas Eve" by visiting the cemetery. I miss my grandma a lot, and not having her around for Christmas still feels wrong. At my mom's house, we ate a lot of italian lunch meats, and I'm pretty sure she had purchased every flavor of Pringles available in the lower 48 states. I tried to prolong the wait as long as I could, but we buckled to the pressure from the boys and opened presents. I feel as though adulthood has sunk in nearly fully, as I let presents stack around me so I could concentrate on the kiddos opening their things. The boys got new Jelly Belly's, of which each olor had a good/bad flavor. My brother and I both grabbed a black one (could have been licorice or skunk spray), we both got skunk spray. I had to spit mine out, it was like a release of toxins into my mouth. We finished off the evening with our annual viewing of A Nightmare Before Christmas. At home, the boys requested that Eliz read Santa is Coming to Ohio, and I gave yet another inspired interpretation of The Night Before Christmas. The boys left a smattering of treats out for Santa and some skim milk with ice in it. I hear he likes that sort of thing. 

Monday, December 28

The boys woke up at a reasonable hour to open stockings. We didn't have to do the usual 5a wake-up necessary for the tour of Christmases we normally do. For the first time that I can remember, I was able to have Christmas morning together with my family without the need to leave the house for other Christmases. It was magic. The hit toy was their emoji splat balls. Basically a squishy ball that splats... They played with them so much that Ray's didn't last the day :) Ray couldn't stand the wait as we made breakfast before we opened presents. He sat and stared in visible anguish at his first gift under the tree. I think everyone liked what they got. Sam was surprised by his robot, and Ray shouted when he opened his Hulk toy, only to ask what it was a few seconds later. I've trained him well. We got to make a mess with all the wrapping paper and didn't have to clean it up at all. It was heavenly. Nana Sherry and Kaitlyn came over later to do their gifts with the boys. My brother, Felicia, and Lexi came over as well. Lex was like a kid again racing slot cars with the boys and getting into a lightsaber duel, or triuel..  A perfect mess of a day. I can't wait till next year. 

Tuesday, December 29

Clean up day. Sam made huge progress on his robot without any help. Given the level of complexity, I imagined us needing to work on it together quite a bit. I'm proud to say that I've only been involved a few brief times and he has done the rest of the work on his own. The boys played Disney Infinity 3.0 as well, it looks like a fun upgrade from the last version (Update: it is.) We watched Inside Out after dinner which was a movie-night gift from Pawpaw Rod and Grammy. 

Wednesday, December 30

Star Wars Battlefront. All I remember is amazing graphics and laser fire. Sam made more progress on his robot, and Ray played with every toy he got for Christmas in rapid-fire succession. Laser fire.

Thursday, December 31

My brother had some extra tickets, so Eliz and the boys went to Star Wars: The Force Awakens in 3D. I'm glad she got to go, and in the meantime I loaded Jules up in the Baby Bjorn and made a large Costco run, which was quite successful I might add. We went to my brother's house that evening for New Year's Eve. The boys stayed up until midnight and Ray was "super dramatic about it". We had a quick jam session on my brother's new drum set. The ladies of the family cracked the Mara argument code, which apparently involves a revolving door of music, sports, and super heroes. I don't have any idea what they're talking about. Closer to midnight, Jules did not appreciate our many attempts to get a picture of us kissing him. He didn't appreciate it at all. Regardless, I got to kiss my lady, and we all got home safely to get a night's rest.

Friday, January 1

With Eliz' family, New Year's Day is a thing, so we went to Nana Sherry's. The boys were excited to play I Found It, a rather complicated I-Spy game designed for 4 year olds, but that required several adults with several college degrees to figure it out. The boys drank hot chocolate from their new lego mugs. Sam made a neat and tidy "S" on his mug, Ray made a rather abstract "trapped gorilla". All things aside, it was some red and blue bricks covered by some white bricks. It was another good time spent with family. 

Saturday, January 2

We went to Grandma Charlotte's for our last Christmas. There are a ton of kids there and it's usually pandemonium with my brother serving as the catalyst. All three boys got some sock monkeys, Ray was unexplainably excited about his. I'm hoping this wasn't related to any penis innuendo, but the more he giggles, the more I think it is. Eliz and my mom tag teamed getting me the apparently discontinued Duncan Heins Fudge Marble Cake, paired with my mom's chocolate butter cream icing. It was fantastic. At home, Eliz got me some awesome gifts, not the least of which was Road House on BluRay. Everyone is entitled to a guilty pleasure. We had some Apple pie and Pumking during the movie, and before I knew it I'm asleep. I'm hoping to squeeze a birthday pizza out of the deal for Sunday (I did.) 

Sunday January 3

Sam and Eliz ran some errands and Sam exchanged a few books at Barnes & Noble, so Ray and I stayed home and played Battlefront. We had our jam session today. Sam wrote a new riff that we worked on, and then the usual tunes; Sam's song, Brain Stew, Smoke on the Water. I always hate the end of a vacation, but I have to say I was quite satisfied with the way this one turned out. So much time with family, and I'm left wanting for nothing. Tomorrow, Eliz and I go back to work; Eliz for the first time since Jules was born. Real life with a baby begins!

Staycation '15

I'm not much one for sassy, social media friendly portmanteaus, but we have adopted the term staycation for our yearly weeklong hangout session. The boys come down for at least a solid week, I actually take some time off work, and Eliz hangs out when she can. I spent some pretty amazing summers in Westerville with my mom, and each year I try to share with my boys a bit of what summers in Westerville are like. The week is usually pretty well pre-programmed with activities that have become tradition. This year rather than tell the stories myself, I will dictate what we did as remembered by the boys.

Friday June 26

We talked about how you guys went to Ritas when you first found out about the baby. You guys got the same flavor and me and Ray got the same flavor. It was pouring rain. I think we mighta watched Parks and Rec. 

Saturday June 27

Um, we bought a bunch of wood to make a shelf. And I got to hold the yellow screws (there was a fight over green and yellow options). We, um, went out to the garden, and like, stone and stuff. Ray found the Rumble Stone edgers, and we bought them to make a sidewalk thing. I remember when we carried down the wood I(Sam) got a splinter. I(Ray) played Legos. Elizabeth did a ducky craft. At Grandma Vicki's we ate hot dogs. She had pretty much all the flavors of chips. That shall be it. 

Sunday June 28

We saw the beavers. We saw the elephants. We might of saw the new elephant. We saw a dog hanging out with the cheetah, and we got to go inside the airplane by the lions. Sam and dad worked on landscaping. I (Sam) remember there was a huge horsefly. Me and Sam played legos. Didn't we play Disney Infinity for 30 minutes or so? Mara pizza and Back to the Future night was awesome. 

Monday June 29

I (Sam) got those super sparklers that seemed to go on forever. I (Ray) got three packs of pop-its. There was a mini flood in the parking lot, it was pouring rain. Wasn't that the day we restarted our Disney Infinity level? We got a new frost giant and Sam built an enemy wave generator. At Putt-Putt, I (Sam) got a hole-in-one. Dad got three holes-in-one. That equals four. (Pretty sure Eliz got one too). Ray knocked his ball off the course. Oh yeah, we got to do the other (south) course. We couldn't do the batting cages because they were too wet. Elizabeth almost got the hole-in-one on the final round. 

Tuesday June 30

Alum Creek park had the crazy hexagon climbing thing. There was the light game. I (Ray) thought I heard a snake, so we talked about snakes for a little bit. Wasn't that the one with the super wobbly bridge? It made me fly up in the air. Jojo was the leader of the park, to build it. Jojo was the king of the park! (The boys made my lunch, it was a nice turn of events. We then held a tribute afternoon to my Grandma Morrisey). Sam was the only one that got a Yahtzee, 'cause last year he was the only one that didn't. The 5th Avenue candy bars were good, awesome, sick, achoo-achoo. 

Wednesday July 1

We walked there (Jaycee Pool) and Grandma Vicki met us there. The pool was cold. I (Sam) went down the slide twice with dad. There was a little boy that kept throwing a Barbie doll into the pool. I (Ray) got soaked. We drove home in Grandma Vicki's car. At Star Lanes, I (Ray) got 75 tickets. Jojo came! We got Lexi a blue snake (she was home sick). Dad got 12 tickets. Pacman was fun, I (Ray) ate the most things in Pacman. Jojo came! You guys ordered the same thing and we ordered the same thing. I (Ray) tried buffalo (sauce). We didn't go bowling that time. I'm (Eliz) amazing at basketball. 

Thursday July 2

Thursday was that day that we started Level 20, and it's gonna be awesome. We went to Grandma Charlottes and had a squirt gun fight, and we played with the doggie, and the doggie made a hole in our ball. Winston knocked over the gate when we had pizza. I had two cupcakes. That night we watched Back to the Future II, and it froze for like 15 minutes. Doc got shocked by lightning, it was awesome. 

Friday July 3

We went to the Newark pool and fireworks. And we went to Felicia's mama and dada's house. I (Sam) went down the one slide, but not the other one that was crazy. I (Ray) went down the kiddy slide. Jojo was tossing Hulk in the water and I was diving for it. I (Ray) made it all the way across the pool. Jojo was making me do flips, I learned how to do a corkscrew. We went to the fireworks, and I (Ray) made a big chain. Before the fireworks I was looking at fireflies. We did races, but we only did two head-to-head because Sam was grumpy. You (Ray) started one of them when he said "set". (That night Ray fell asleep standing up in my parents driveway. He fell into Jojo's car and remained asleep on their driveway for a minute). 

Saturday July 4

We woke up at Grandma Vicki's, we ate cookie pancakes. We went to Maxtown park and Galena park and did sparklers. We had Wendy's for lunch. Then we went to Nana Sherry's and Papa Craig's. We swam and had burgers. Then we swam again. Me and Ray both figured out how to get the diving toys from the deep end of the pool (6 ft). We had a jumping contest to see who could make the biggest splash. We soaked my towel. We did sparklers that evening. Dad said that we could do some snakes when it's sunny out to see if they glow and stuff. We watched fireworks for a half an hour. I (Ray) did all three packets of my pop-its. Those super-sparklers lasted for like, I don't know, 3-4 minutes or so. It was crazy. I (Ray) did two sparklers at once. 

Sunday July 5

Today we talked about memories. We're going to relax and watch Back to the Future III. Ray: Staycation was happy, sick, amazing, cool. My favorite part was when we went to the Zoo-hoo-hoooooooo. And then 4th of July. And that shall be it. Sam: Staycation was thrilling. My favorite part was Putt-Putt because the main reason was we got to do the new court. 

Staycation '14

If you read my blog, you know the drill. It's a vacation diary haha.

Friday June 27

     I usually work a half day on days when I go to pick up my boys. This morning, I barely lasted til 10a before I sped off to pick up the kiddos. I met them out in Perrysburg as they insisted on getting some BonkaZonks. They were stoked. I kept shouting 'staycation' in the car as we headed back to Columbus. First thing when we got back, we stopped by the BMX track that Jojo had spent all day conditioning. When we got home we had a quick dinner, went over the rules for the house, and walked to Rita's for some Italian Ice. This was the first of many traditions that we began to uphold for our staycation. I think the boys played some Beatles rock band when we got home. I can't remember, it was a long and adventure packed week.

Saturday June 28

     Early wake-up, pads on, and headed straight for the BMX track. Ray finally started feeling more comfortable on his bike, still on training wheels, but less deathly afraid. Sam and I did several passes on the track. It was nice having dirt on the berms, but it still managed to wear my ass out. We came back for some popsicles and quick showers. The boys watched the first few minutes of the Chile v Brasil World Cup match before getting bored. Sam came back after awhile and watched most of the match. It came down to the last penalty kick, but Chile lost.  I'm proud of the way they played.
     We then headed to Grandma Vicki's for a Slip, Slide, and Sleepover party. T'was an amazing success. 40s music abounded as the boys and a few friends threw themselves down the giant slide for the better part of 5 hours, pausing only to eat or to fire water balloons with their new launcher. Jojo and I went down with them, but could not keep up the pace running back up the hill. At 9 we sent the boys up to get cuddly in some PJs and watch frozen with Grandma, as Eliz and I attended to some much anticipated debauchery. We both played Beer-pong for the first time in our lives, I drank the giantest whiskey drink there ever was, and we enjoyed the hell out of the lightning bugs from my parent's porch swing. Anything else I type is going to sound like innuendo. One of the best date-nights we've ever had.

Sunday June 29

A little groggy, Eliz and I uncharacteristically sprung out of bed as we simultaneously smelled my mom making pancakes. They were Mickey Mouse style w/ turkey bacon. I inhaled them with a gallon of water to ward away the spirits of yestereve. In no hurry to leave, we slowly got around to cleaning up, and I put the boys to work as we washed my car and played in the water some more. We left around midday and headed down to ComFest. Protip; kids at ComFest are fine if you plan ahead. It was hot, we were there on a budget, and the boys were quickly bored and overheated. We found a "Black light" painting station that the boys were excited to do, as I had just shown them Eliz' old black light a few nights before. It wasn't that big a deal that ComFest was a bit of a bust, for when we returned home, everything was awesome with our Lego Movie movie/pizza night.

Monday June 30

     Day 1 of staycation sans Eliz. I tried to make our activities during her work-days to be things she wouldn't miss as much. We had some errands to run, and spent the better part of the morning running around. We started at the bank to get the budget for the week. I allowed the boys $10 each to get their own fireworks from Kroger. They thought that was a lot of money, but quickly realized how little it was. They worked together and split a value pack, and were pissed when they saw they had to pay tax haha. From there we went to Five Below for a new soccer ball, and then headed to Toys R Us where Ray found more BonkaZonks on super sale, escaping with his entire gift card :) We got a few project materials from Lowes and headed home.
     I thought Sam was going to die because Ray got a Hulkbuster Bonka Zonk.. I distracted him by letting him help me paint the new Attic Ladder trim pieces. He's getting to be a pretty good helper. Both boys also did an hour's worth of chores for their allowance. Ray did a great job w/ TP, wiping down tables and chairs, and retrieving dishes all over the house. Sam did his usual bathroom clean up and Trash can emptying. That night the whole family gathered at Giammarco's for a surprise Retirement dinner for my mom. She's making time to enjoy her life a little more and hopefully babysit some future grandkids :) The dinner was fantastic, the boys spent some time with Lexi and Emily, and we crashed at home to prepare for the next day.

Tuesday July 1

     We hit up a 10a showing of X Men Days of Future Past. Ray actually stayed awake for a whole movie, they loved it.
     Just two weeks prior, my Grandma Morrisey passed away somewhat unexpectedly. We had blocked off this afternoon to visit her and play Yahtzee for old times' sake, so the boys elected to visit her grave. We found some old flint stones I had placed around my Grandpas' graves 20 years ago and decided we should do it again sometime. They were used to visiting GG and swinging while she watched, so we went to a park to swing, and then came home to play some Yahtzee. I think Grandma had her hand on the dice, as I rolled a Yahtzee on my first try ;) Love you Grandma.
     Before we did the swings, I drove the boys through my old neighborhood on Vancouver. I showed them my house, where I learned to ride my bike, the court where I flew over my handlebars and landed on my butt, and were Jojo crashed his head through a garage window during a bike race. They loved it all. Later, the boys helped me install a new pull up bar which I let Sam test out.
     That night, we took advantage of Eliz' Groupon skills and hit up the Westerville Putt-putt. We did the same holes as last year, but the weather was cool and overcast which made all the difference. The boys enjoyed it despite some minor rushing due to other golfers. The Groupon comes with batting tokens, and this year Ray decided to join. He made contact on his first two tries! Both boys did well, Daddy and Eliz got in on the action too. Good times, I love that place. 

Wednesday July 2

     Deciding to take advantage of Jojo's hard work, we headed back to the BMX track. Ray opted to bring some super hero toys and play with them on the ropes instead. Sam and I's ride was short, as the track was too damn muddy to ride :/ We all played on the ropes for a bit, then headed back home to spend a free hour w/ Eliz between her cases. After that we packed up the car and headed to my Grandma Charlotte's to hang out w/ her, Aunt Lu, and Harley for the afternoon. The kids ran around her GIGANTIC basement ad-nauseum. (Why is that underlined as misspelled? Is this my version of fustrated?).  We all piled in Lu's SUV and went to lunch at Bob Evans, grandma's treat. I think it made her day to sit across from Ray and have all sorts of wild conversation. After Bob's, we all participated in a group soccer passing circle, even Grandma! It was epic, she kicks harder than the boys... no really ;) From there we all went to Lu's to swim in her complex pool. The boys had a blast, I loved getting to visit w/ Lu and Grandma, overall it was a great way to spend the afternoon.
     That evening we did a Groupon round 2 at Star Lanes w/ Elizabeth. By this time, I was getting pretty exhausted. Morning, day, and night we were doing activities w/ the boys. I told Eliz that this was much crazier than "normal" parenting, as in a full time situation, they would be doing a lot more on their own. They were testing my patience. We sat down for dinner, Sam sat on Eliz' lap to warm up, and farted. Serious chat ensued. Ray proceeded to spill his entire drink on the table. Our fabulous waiter was nowhere to be found, but an ultra industrious bus lady cleaned our table twice! (I tipped her directly, and shafted the waiter, who sucked, and was a dick). After a beer, I settled down and we bowled a round. The boys did great and we all had a good time. We finished off the evening with the Groupon game room cards. The boys were ticket hungry and avoided most of the fun games in favor of ticket winners. They bought plastic shit that will sit in a bag. Oh well.

Thursday July 3

     Heath Pool day! My brother's wife is from Newark, not far from Heath, which has an amazing pool facility. The pools are too big. The slides are too fast. The lazy river is too long. The grass areas are too, well, you get the picture. It's old school simplicity meets modern baddass. It's country, it's American, and I love it. Grandma Vicki came along, and we simply played our butts off. 4 hours of slides, dunks, tubes, spray playgrounds, and giggles. The boys went home with my mom for a parents' night off. I'm told they went to Millstone park, got ice cream, and watched an animated children's film. 

Friday July 4

     The next morning we all met bright and early to help Jojo move into his new house. The boys hung around while we moved everything. Ray drew a picture of a raccoon that was really really good. I was blown away, so he turned it into a 4th of July card for Eliz and I. Really good stuff.

     After helping them move into their wonderful new home, we headed over to Eliz' parents' place for a cookout/pool party for the 4th and Craig's birthday. I'll be honest, I was exhausted at the end of this week and moving, so I promptly parked myself on a lounger and fell asleep by the pool. It sounded like the boys had a blast splashing about on this 3rd pool day in a row. Miss Sherry got them some kinetic sand, which if you don't know what that is, get hip. It's fun for all ages. They played for over an hour. We ate cake. Funs were had.

     That evening we went home for the Westerville fireworks. We have the pleasure of living close to the launch site, and we watch them from the convenience of our front yard. There is a bothersome street light right in the viewing path that I unsuccessfully tried to cover up with a jacket. I'm plotting for next year. This year was pretty good, but Ray got cuddly and literally fell asleep during the grand finale :( Sam watched with eyes aglow. After the display, the boys got comfortable with the fireworks they bought from Kroger. I'm happy to say they candle lit their own sparklers and didn't use cups for protection. Once they felt ok, they burned through their smoke bombs, drop snaps and sparklers in no time.

Saturday July 5

     On this next-to-last day, I declared "No more activities"! I was exhausted. We woke up slowly, ate some breakfast, and did nothing all morning. We made a quick visit to Jojo's house, went to the store for dinner supplies, and came home for some "split time". My boys are carazy when together, so we try to split them up for one-on-one time each weekend. For my time w/ Ray we built a hilarious Tin Can Robot that Miss Sherry gave him. He was a good apprentice. Eliz and Sam played their Lego Pirates of the Caribbean. Sam and I then had a guitar jam/lesson session while Eliz and Ray made Spiderman webs and watched some Spiderman on Netflix. After that, I made fajitas with my onion goggles and we introduced the boys to the legend that is Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. I forgot how much creepy was in that movie, meh, they'll live.

Sunday July 6

     Last day of staycation 2014. Time flies and I know not where it goes. Our last activity was to take the boys to the Columbus Zoo to see the new Africa exhibit. Simply amazing. As far as Zoos go from a spectator perspective, this is the best exhibit/habitat I've seen.You get to see most all the animals up close and personal. The Lions were napping right next to the glass on the wing of an old airplane. The Cheetahs were wandering about in plain sight. I loved it. We attended a running of the Cheetahs at 10:30a, the Cheetah's chased a big ball on a string. I'd never seen one run in real life. Eliz and I separately teared up after the run, it was spectacular. They were my favorite animal all through elementary school. We made quite the visit through a number of animals until I wimped out and said I was tired.
     We headed home, only to clean up, and revisit all of what we had done this week. Everyone had plenty of favorites. When the boys had to leave, I failed to hold back the tears, and waved them off until next time. My extremely compassionate wife kept me sane, fed me whiskey and pizza, and helped me pound the shit out of Nebraska in our B1G championship game on NCAA football 14.

Monday July 7

     I awoke in a slight panic at 3a this morning. My boys were gone yet again. My vacation was over. I had to face the real world. I felt like I had spent the whole damn week disciplining them rather than enjoying them. Upon reflection, I think that was the night talking. Yes, we had our fair share of correction. They were wild at times. But we did a mountain of amazing things, and as best we could, we enjoyed each moment. They smiled a lot this week. And I think that's being a family. We can drive each other nuts, but at the end of the day, we had a good time. And when they had to leave, we were all sad. My thought process behind these staycations are to give the boys a glimpse of the awesome I experienced as a young boy in Westerville during the summer. I only hope that they enjoyed it half as much as I did.
     I love you boys so much.

 

Christmas staycation 2014

Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I live for the sneakiness, the trickery, the lights, the good food, the family, cheer: It's the total package.

If you've read my blogs lately, you know that this has been a busy December for me. In addition to working from home, and doing a few shifts at the interpreting agency, I got married and went to Disney. The night before the wedding we rushed the boys through a 10 min motion of hanging their ornaments on the tree, that should have been my clue that Christmas was going to be crazy this year. Well, it was.  And I had a wonderful time with both of my families on the 24th and 25th.  But I want to write this blog about the week I had with my boys for Christmas.  It's something I look forward to each year, and for me it's worth writing about.


Friday Dec 27 24th, 2013
I woke up and hit the road by 6:30a. I couldn't wait to have the boys with us for Christmas.  I went through my seasonal playlists of Sufjan's second Christmas release on the way up, saving Vince Guaraldi and The Chipmunks for the ride back.  Upon arrival at their mom's, Ray came bounding to the car adorned in a raccoon hat.  Perfect. The boys climbed in, got big hugs, and we sped off towards Westerville.  We all got pumped up talking about all the Christmas plans.  The moment we got home, unprompted, Ray found Elizabeth and declared "Happy Holidays Step-Mom!"  Melt. Then we made a quick visit to see my Grandma Morrisey at the home.  Nobody loves christmas as much as her.  Nobody.  She was delighted to see the boys. We dropped my car off for an oil change at Roush, and walked across the street to Kroger for cookie supplies for Santa.  We ended up doing a little last minute shopping for Elizabeth: cake batter and iTunes card. Our fake Christmas Eve was the best part of the whole week for me.  Christmas light lit room, cookies, writing a letter to Santa, opening Hulk and Iron Man pajamas, giving Remy his Thor costume, watching Kung Fu Panda Christmas, putting tape across the front door to see if Santa broke it when he came in, eliz read the boys a Santa Comes to Ohio book, and finally we tucked them in and I read The Night Before Christmas.  That magic was enough, but then Eliz and I put our elf hats on and kicked some ass.  We ate Santa's cookies, but left some crumbs.  Set out the gifts, filled the stockings.  Then Eliz used her fancy writing to answer the boys' note as Santa Claus, and I put flour on my boots and walked across the floor to the tree to leave footprints. The good stuff.

Saturday Dec 28 25th, 2013
We woke up at a reasonable hour (7ish) and heard the boys whispering downstairs about the presents and their stockings. One of the better noises to wake up to. We did stockings first.  Quite possibly the most fun of all presents are the dollar bin items that they go nuts over.  Sam got a set of "sticky hands" that he played with more than any other toy the whole vacation. Ray of course did his "animal pills" that grow in water while Elizabeth made us French Toast and Sausage (Vince Guaraldi in the background of course).  We opened our gifts with the boys and it was great.  But I'm starting to think more in line with my dad, Christmas Eve, and the anticipation of, is better than the actual Christmas morning itself.  By Midday, we arrived to my parents' where we did Christmas all over again with the boys.  They tore through gifts in record time and fervor, the way it should be haha.  Afterwards we enjoyed a homemade Mara spaghetti sauce and all stuffed ourselves to the point of explosion.  The afternoon was relaxing.  Ray played Magic Jinn ad-nauseum.  Sam played with his new chess set, and they both eventually finished out the night Legoing. All was calm.

Sunday Dec 29th, 2013
We went through a time warp and arrived at the 29th.  We let the boys play with their new stuff in the morning until it was time to meet Miss Sherry for Christmas lunch at Red Robin.  We had a great time, and a great lunch.  The boys were super excited to get more gifts haha, and they gave Miss Sherry a few of her own. I ate an A1 burger, because I can.

Monday Dec 30th, 2013
I love my boys.  They looked forward to this which they dubbed "Donation Day", where we clean out their room and donate toys they no longer play with to charity.  A few years back this was a tiresome event full of whining and lack of comprehension.  This year, they literally looked forward to it. I don't know if I'm more proud of their societal awareness, or their proclivity to purge waste from a household.  Either way the day was a success.  Room clean. Closet reorganized and with a new shelf. Happy Papi.

Tuesday Dec 31st, 2013
As self proclaimed old folks, Eliz and I like to party with family on New Year's Eve, and my brother's house seems to be the place to do it. Each year there are movies, games, drinks, and other general relaxy party stuff.  This year was no exception, but add yet another round of Christmas gifts from my Grandma Charlotte's Christmas that we couldn't attend this year.  I watched Transformers for the first time, not horrible.  Joe whipped my ass at NCAA Football after I had practiced all week w/ Eliz. We watched Star Trek, counted down the Ball, I kissed the hottest woman in the world, and we ran outside to make noise with the kiddos and caught a family releasing a paper lantern into the sky.  Pretty magical stuff for some folks from da'ville. The boys passed out on my lap around 1a, and we made it home by 2ish.  Awesome memories.

Wednesday Jan 1st, 2014
I warned the boys that due to budgetary constraints, that this staycation would be quite a bit less exciting than the extravaganza that was Summer Staycation 2013. I proved it this day by letting them play with toys while I watched 4 Big Ten Bowl games. Some days, I just have to be a typical guy.

Thursday Jan 2nd, 2014
This is a day that is otherwise known as my birthday. The boys were more excited than me, understandably, and we hung out all morning.  After lunch, I took them swimming at the Community Center.  Sam is an amazing swimmer! Busting out laps in freestyle, back and breast.  Really cool stuff.  Ray is doing well in short stints in deeper water too.  I'm a very proud dad.  After an hour of swimming, I soaked up the 80 degree indoor temp while they played in the pool playground. At home, Eliz organized a little shindig in my honor, and ordered Pasquale's pizza.  My bro, his wife and my mom came over to spend the evening.  Intimate and perfect.  Fudge marble cake improvisation props go to my mom.  Amongst other things, Eliz gave me a pic of an Otter in a military uniform.  I love her so much.

Friday Jan 3rd, 2014
My great friend Mark once began a final day of vacation by stating "It's that crappy time".  Today, and anytime the boys have to go back, is that crappy time.  I won't lie, they drove me insane this vacation.  Baby talk, constant bickering, accidents.  But I wouldn't want my misery any other way. In the moment I can be pretty grouchy, but looking back, it's all hilarious.  Great stories for the future.  Learning moments.  I took that day to have a few "epic battles" with our super hero action figures, play a few rounds of Magic Jinn, and of course, end our time together with our "what was your favorite part" session.  I love my boys, and no matter how crazy they can make me, they're mine and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I hope one day they'll move back into town.  Until then, I'll make every weekend count.


The bottom line is, I have a crazy amount of amazing people and fortune in my life.  So many reasons to be thankful. I just hope when I'm down, I can remember that and get back up again.

Wedding.

So I've told Elizabeth a thousand times that even though I want to get married, it really wouldn't change things.  Two days in, I was wrong.  And I didn't know that I could love somebody as much as I love her.

The year, and even days, leading up to the wedding, Eliz and I fought.  A lot.  And the topic was pretty much the same everytime.  We could barely have a conversation about the wedding without me getting upset about something and us ending up pissed at one another. She is black, I am brown.  She wanted a Lamborghini, I had to have a Ferrari.

So the night before, we tuck the boys in bed, pack our final things, kiss, and go to bed like we always do.  It just felt like a Friday.  We woke up, went on our separate ways to the venue. My mom took the boys and I out for a plain, stomach friendly lunch at Panera.  After finishing, we arrived at the venue, and not 30 seconds later, my 5 year old had completely pissed his pants.  Disaster surrounds this boy, luckily my mom was there to save the day, and we hadn't yet dressed them in their suits :)

We get inside and start setting up. I decide to head up to the balcony to work on our homemade photo booth, which separated me from the crowd of friends and family setting up below. 20 mins later I peer down at the main floor where the decorations had begun to take shape.  It was at this moment I knew I was in trouble.  It looked amazing.  I eat crow.  Hats off to Eliz and Sherry.  Job well done. Most of the next 4 hours was a blur.  Setting up. Glad handing, although I was genuinely glad to be hanging out with everyone.  My friends and family were such a great help, support, and company that day.  The main thing I remember about joe and the booth, brian and the backdrop, erick and my boys was how positive everyone was. In a time in my life when I've been spun towards bitter, this was so refreshing.  It was good.

Fast forward to the ceremony.  I looped a song to last 10 mins for the bridesmaids entrances.  Good thing I did, her vows were left back at the barnhouse where she got dressed.  A few mins later and and an out of breath bridesmaid brought on my second favorite moment of the day, my beautiful Elizabeth walking through the doors. I was having a hard time maintaining my composure, so I grabbed Ray's hand and held it until she made it down the isle. I cried. I'm a cryer.  Deal with it. I was surprised, however, she had chosen a dress with heavy inspiration from yesteryear.  Very brown of her. She was beautiful.  The most beautiful.  And it was time to lock that down.  Our dear friend Brad married us.  He went through a lot to get ordained and did an amazing job of officiating, while making us feel at home. I can't say enough about how much it meant to have a close friend up there performing the ceremony.  It didn't feel like ceremony at all, it just felt like us.

We had the boys take part in a unity ceremony with us.  Instead of candles, we each took our namesake Avenger Lego figure and placed them together under a lego arch.  It was silly and unprofessional, just the way I like it. They are a huge part of our family unit, so it felt right to have something geared towards them in our ceremony.  My favorite part of the day was the vows.  We wrote our own.  I'm glad we did. I did my best to deliver mine, only to choke up when the heavy hitting words came up.  But Elizabeth killed me.  Every word she spoke was from her heart.  And I knew that she was speaking directly to mine.  Unwittingly, we both finished with a line from our first dance, I will follow you into the dark. I'll be honest.  The rest of the evening was amazing.  Great reception.  But it all could have ended after her vow.

The reception was fun (for me at least). There was kick ass rock and roll music, there was Pasquale's food: including a large pizza, just for me. It was great eating, dancing, and visiting with everyone.  Speeches were made (Kaitlyn, you killed me), cupcakes were eaten, Cha Cha's were slid. But I have to say it was a blur. Yes, I was sober, but between all the little events & obligations, I felt like I wasn't spending much time with my boys or my wife. The slow dances were great, it's like time stands still for a moment where you can share an embrace with your betrothed. Speaking of dances, the kids stole the show.  Ray came out of his shell, even more than normal, and provided us with soulful interpretations to the best club bangers. I did take a few moments to pause and look at all of the people, happy, supporting us on our important day.

The end of the reception drew neigh, I rushed around to help tear stuff down and gather things so Eliz didn't have to, and rushed her out the door before she managed to stick around to clean too much. The white Christmas lights they put up in the park outside the barn gave off the perfect glow as we said our goodbye to the venue. We had a small happy hour with some friends at our hotel bar.  It was like a classic scene at the end of a movie when the whole cast shares a drink and a few laughs to resolve the story.  This was more like a few drinks and a lot of laughs: Erick waltzing in to buy a round of shots and dip out like a ninja, baseball cards, fake hotel Christmas gifts.  Then the quote of the year by my brother: "It's 2013 and I'm here to say..." We were a bit tipsy and cut him off at that point to chide him.  Then he started again and delivered the Best Man speech that he refused to give during the wedding.  Love him.

I probably can't write too much about the rest of the evening, lest my wife get embarrassed. So in brief fashion, a cork about took my eye out, I got to remove a dress, and I spent the rest of the evening falling more in love with Elizabeth than I ever thought possible.

Here's to a lifetime of continuing that.

Honeymoon

Look, this is going to be long.  My blog primarily serves as a personal diary, but if you don't mind my personal brand of weird, read on!

Sunday, Dec 15:

I woke up at 5a, partially due to a hangover, partially because of the excitement of being newly married and our honeymoon.  I accidentally woke Elizabeth up as well, so we decided to open up our cards.  Our friends and family were very generous, as well as hilarious.  One check was written out to us as payment for laundry services and tennis lessons.

We had a mediocre breakfast at an otherwise wonderful hotel, said goodbye to Eliz' family, and Brittany Beatrice, and headed off to the airport.

Southwest is lucky I didn't murder one of their employees.  After canceling our flight on our wedding night, we were downgraded in their boarding hopper system, which almost kept us from sitting together.  The woman at the gate in Chicago was a b.

Long story short, we arrived in Orlando to warm air and night skies, and headed to our resort: Floridays, I highly recommend it.  The front lobby smelled wonderful.  Everything was high quality, clean, and there was a lot of open space and warm lighting.  Our room was more of the same.  I say room, it was really an apartment.  Amazing.  A relaxing burger and beer at the hotel poolside bar rounded out our evening.  We slept like bears.

Monday Dec 16:

Disney day! We planned to spend 14 hours in the park, and we did just that. I had never been before, so Eliz was the tour guide for the day.  We rushed to Space Mountain and got right in with no lines.  That is a herky jerky way to start your day.  After that we enjoyed the rest of the Tomorrowland offerings. The Carousel of Progress was a creepy yet delightful way to spend 10 mins.  After that we huddled close for warmth on the people mover, and finished up with a intergalactic battle with Emperor Zurg.  Eliz scored roughly 16k pts, I think I got somewheres around 10 times that :)

From there we went to beat the crowds at Tony's restaurant, like from the Lady and the Tramp.  A barbershop quartet sang to us and we had our only quality meal of the day :(  For future brownie points, I'd like to point out my willingness to wear matching tshirts and a "happily ever after button".

Our first real wait was for Peter Pan.  To a modern audience, it was pretty simple.  But I found the charm and whimsy of this ride un paralleled.  Floating above nighttime London with my new wife was one of my favorite experiences of the day.

Then we went to the line for the Haunted Mansion.  Amazing.  Without knowing it was her favorite as well, I instantly declared it to be the best part of the park.  Just the right blend of creepy, wit, and technological razzmatazz.  We rode it twice :)

The hall of presidents, pirates of the Caribbean, it's a small world, a fruitless search for a good meal, gross hot dogs, passable ice cream. Thunder mountain.

That brings us to our final leg of the evening.  It was getting dark, and we found a number of charming / lesser known rides.  We flew on Dumbo,  rode the teacups, and rode Goofy's roller coaster.  This brought us up to the fireworks over the two castles.  I will let it be known that I choked up a few times that day. Namely any time I saw a Princess, and also during the fireworks.  That Jiminy (sp) Crickett sure can speak.

Exhausted and sore, we treaded on for a few more hours and had a wonderful time on a new Little Mermaid ride.  Our last exhibit was a tour through Belle's castle where we all participated in a re telling of the day Belle met the Beast.  Given that Belle is a Princess, you can assume how I reacted.

It was a bittersweet walk out of the park.  We truly made that day our bitch, but I was sad that it was over. I can now say that I believe in the magic of Disney.  Nuff said.

Tuesday Dec 17:

So, Disney day pretty much took it out of us.  No really, we were beat.  We ran a few errands, brought food back to the "apartment", and relaxed.  

After another hotel bar burger, we headed out to Downtown Disney for a bit of light shopping.  Said shopping was accompanied by some heavy handed margaritas at this random stand.  Good feelings.

We found a life size lego Hulk, and a number of other huge lego sculptures on the boardwalk.  Despite 'ol Walt's best efforts, we still went home with most of our money.  A few nifty gifts were purchased though.

The MO for the evening was RELAX.  Cocktails, pizza, jacuzzi.  Perfect. I think I fell asleep watching The Mindy Project.  I wouldn't know, you'd have to ask Elizabeth.

Wednesday, Dec 18:

No major plans during the day, so we headed to the Universal Citywalk, were I got my first taste of Potterphanalia.  I wanted everything.  They had wands, cloaks, hoodies, scarfs, keychains, Marauder's Maps, etc.  If I had $1000, I would've dropped it all there.  Alas, I was wise.  That is until we ate at Bubba Gump's.  That place adds up haha.  

We had a great time and some great drinks at the restaurant, and made our way back to the resort with some horribly garish glassware (which we immediately used again). I had declared I wanted a fruity drink by golly, so we carpe'd some diem and got the hotel special frozen mango/raspberry smoothy: a double of course.  We both very truthfully got into the pool, we enjoyed the hot tub, and I did some drunken cardio in the lap pool.

An hour or so later, we suited up and headed out for my special dinner at Medieval Times!  Red Knight's goin down!  Only when he did I was supposed to be sad, because he was on our team..  The castle was cool, and I was a giddy school girl.  That is, until we toured the torture chamber museum.  That was a buzzkill.

Our knight was yellow, and while he got our section excited, I could tell he didn't have the killer instinct.  That, and he passed my wife over about 3 times when giving out carnations.  But Eliz bought me a flag, we ate with our hands, and I had them make a special announcement for us for our honeymoon.  It was almost a surprise but she pees too quickly and caught me.

Upon arrival at the resort, we rested.  For the next day was...

Thursday, Dec 19:

...HARRY POTTER DAY!!!!

Wake up, make coffee for the wife, shake her out of bed, drive to park, run past Asians, make beeline for HOGSMEADE!  I was in HOGSMEADE!!  You guys, I went to Hogwarts!  I'm not sure if you know how big of a deal that is, so let me make this clear:  I cried when I saw the castle.  Life=Complete.

We beat the lines and whizzed through the castle to get on to the ride.  Minor spoiler alert: it was amazingly magical, and I'm told there was a section with large spiders.  I wouldn't know, because my eyes were closed once I saw webs.  

It went so quickly that we immediately toured the castle again so I could take it all in.  The "holograms" or projectors they used are awesome.  So much attention to detail.  I was truly in awe.

We then stepped outside into Hogsmeade, grabbed some butterbeers (frozen of course), and did some window shopping.  I'll try not to spoil, but it was so much fun!  We decided to beat the crowd and at lunch early at the Three Broomsticks.  Pretty good food, better in quality and in price than Disney, and that was park wide. Pro Tip- inside the three broomsticks look up to the second story to see shadows of house elves doing their work :)

We skipped Jurassic Park and Toon Lagoon because it wasn't hot enough for water rides.  Marvel was an adequate replacement.  Upon arrival we were greeted by a heroes motorcycle parade, and I got a pic with Captain America! Eliz got hers with Rogue and Storm.  The Spider-Man ride was the best use of elements and effects I've ever seen on a simulator ride.  Hulk was a flippy adrenaline rush.   Doom drop left my stomach somewhere on the deck while I was a few hundred feet in the air.  Since we fast pass'd all of the lines, three rides and Storm's teacups in an hour had me feeling drunk haha.  

Lunch was pretty good, and again, affordable.  Since we were still woozy, we headed to Seussville for some kiddie rides.  How bad could a Dr. Seuss ride be, right? Remember the boat ride from Willy Wonka?  Try that but add spinning.  Creepy-ass Seuss..

After doing all the Seuss stuff, we decided we had done what we set out to do, but in record time.  Thanks for the fast passes mom! So we did what any reasonable person would do and went back to Hogsmeade.  This time we stood in line and did the wand selection show at Ollivanders.  So cute!  The woman working the line struck up a conversation with us, and once we left the show she made a point to find us and give us a commemorative badge for the Harry Potter world at the park.  People loved our "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" shirts, and once they learned we were honeymooning, they swooned :) 

Since the morning ride on the Forbidden Journey went so quickly, we hopped in line and enjoyed our wait in various parts of the castle.  After the second ride we once more rode the Hippogriff.  The girl who worked that line also loved us, and when we finished, she gave us a magic set of words to tell folks at the castle which allowed us to skip the line and ride the Forbidden Journey a third time!  I love these people!

Closing time drew near, we were tired, so we made a couple more quick runs on Spider-Man.  A few quick kisses at various points along our journey back to Hogsmeade made the walk more bearable.  I picked up a gift at a store which shall remain a secret, and we embraced one last time beneath the moon, Hogwarts castle, and the snow capped roofs of Hogsmeade.  We said our goodbyes to the town that has served as such a deep point of mutual interest, knowing that essentially our honeymoon had come to an end.  But if there is a better way to end, I've not heard of it.